I have a small update on my breast cancer journey. The MRI results came through on myChart on Saturday. Like an IDIOT , I decided to look at them before they had a chance to call me about them. I don’t know why I did it. I have been very adamant about not looking before the doctor calls me with every other test result, so I don’t know why I did this one differently. I do know that I will never do it again.
The results said that they did find something in the left breast. There were other scary words in there that I am not going to put here right now out of a sense of self-preservation. I spent the weekend and Christmas spiraling about it with super high anxiety.
To be fair, I think the anxiety was way stronger than it would’ve been because my hormones are out of whack. I was unaware until I met with the breast surgeon for my consultation a couple off weeks ago that I should’ve stopped taking my birth control when the biopsy results showed that the cancer was both progesterone and estrogen receptor positive. It turns out that when that is the case, the birth control just feeds the cancer. All that to say, my hormones are probably out of whack due to stopping the pills in the middle of the pack.
Either way, my advice is to never, ever, EVER look at your test results before the doctor has the chance to call you. Once they did call me, I was able to calm down somewhat. They said that I need to come in for a breast ultrasound tomorrow morning so they can see the spot from a different perspective. It could be something completely benign like a cyst or fibroid, but obviously they need to make sure before we continue with my current plan. It is highly unlikely to have bilateral breast cancer, but you just never know.
The silver lining in all of this is that it has helped me to make a final decision on whether to have the single or bilateral mastectomy. I absolutely want them both gone. The stress that I put myself through over the weekend was awful. I don’t want to feel that way every time I have to go in for a mammogram in the future. Again, I know that mastectomy doesn’t completely remove the chance of breast cancer altogether, but it significantly lessens the odds, and I will take that.
Fingers crossed that what they see tomorrow is nothing to worry about, and then we can get on with the business of removing this mess from my body.
I hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas!