Well guys, it looks like I’m going on a new journey! In my dedication to fulfill my intention of health this year, I set up an appointment with a psychiatrist. My oldest son, Travis, had been making comments for a while that he thought we both had ADHD. I just brushed it off for the most part as kind of funny. My perspective changed a lot when I decided to take on a new role at my job. For years I had been the assistant manager, and now I have moved into the manager role. In addition to that, we became a single leader site, so I also don’t have an assistant manager. That is a lot of pressure… It is one of the reasons I decided to focus on health this year, including mental health. I want to make sure that I am successful in my job. I take pride in it. Well Travis’s comments and asides wormed their way into my brain, and I started to notice things that I either didn’t notice before, or that I thought was the same way for everybody. Some of the things I noticed were:
Hyperfocus– I have always had hobbies/interests that I would be so immersed in to the exclusion of everything else.
Instant Gratification– For example, I can never crochet a big project like a blanket. I will get about a third of the way through, get bored with it, and it will end up in the closet somewhere unfinished for all eternity. I do really well with crocheting stuffies though because I can finish them quickly and get that awesome sense of accomplishment.
Internal dialogue/jukebox– This one is a DOOZIE, and I swear I thought it was normal for everyone! If I am awake, (and honestly sometimes when I’m asleep!) I have what feels like hundreds of thoughts circulating in my head. On top of that, I have a constant jukebox that plays 10-15 second snippets of songs throughout the day.
Difficulty starting tasks (executive dysfunction)– I will literally be sitting in the living room thinking, “I really need to start my laundry.”, but I can’t make myself get up and do it! It is the craziest thing because it can happen with the simplest of tasks! For instance, walking the dog. I love to take him on walks, and he loves it too. There are some days when I want to take him on a walk so badly, but I just can’t get myself to do it. At that point, not only am I frustrated about not starting the task, I am feeling super guilty because I know he wants to go.
Problems switching focus– If I am in the middle of focusing on one thing, and something happens that requires me to shift my focus, I get pretty frustrated. This is especially bad at work.
Easily overstimulated– Because I have so much noise happening in my head, I tend to get overstimulated easily in loud and/or crowded environments.
Vocal stimming– If you were to hang out at my house in the evenings, you would be treated to an ongoing concert starring yours truly. There will be a great variety of music from multiple genres. I can’t guarantee that you will get the hear the whole song (you won’t), but I can promise that it will be either highly entertaining, highly annoying, or maybe even both.
So the interesting thing is that I have always had these issues. I just really thought that was completely normal for everyone, and some of these may be to some extent. I decided to listen to Travis and get assessed. Honestly, what was the harm? Either I had ADHD and could get some help, or I didn’t and could at least maybe get some coping methods for what I was dealing with. At the beginning of February I saw a local psychiatrist, and she diagnosed me with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, predominantly inattentive type. While I am predominantly inattentive type, I have a good dose of hyperactivity in there as well.
The good news is that I have actually been doing some things lately that can really help a lot with ADHD, like practicing yoga. Yoga is a wonderful way to quieten down the mind by just focusing on the poses and your breathing. It has been instrumental in my retaining what little sanity I have left 🤪 In all honesty, I never thought I would be here getting this diagnosis (especially at 42👵🏻), but now that I have, it is actually a relief. I have always struggled with how some things seem to come so easily to others that are so difficult for me. This diagnosis explains why, and allows me to release the guilt that I have felt for just not being good enough. It wasn’t laziness, stupidity, or immaturity- it was a neurodevelopmental disorder. My brain is just wired differently. Now that I know, I can begin to put routines/habits/coping mechanisms into place that can help me navigate the things that are difficult for me.
In addition to putting those things into place, my doctor has me trying a medication called Concerta. Concerta is a central nervous system stimulant. People with ADHD have either not enough communication between dopamine and norepinephrine in the brain, or that communication is inconsistent. Concerta works by letting the dopamine and norepinephrine stay out in the brain longer which helps people with ADHD utilize it more effectively. I started the medication today. It was amazing. I have not heard my internal dialogue or jukebox all day unless I did it with intention. Everything was just so chill, so calm. I had the best day at work. I felt like I was interacting with clients and associates in a much more relaxed way. I normally overthink what I am going to say and how I am going to say it. I am always so worried that someone will take what I say the wrong way. Not today! I was confident and assured! I smiled! I maintained eye-contact, and it wasn’t nearly as uncomfortable! In addition to that, my problems with switching focus were non-existent! Now, could this be a placebo effect because I knew I took the medication? There is always that chance, but I am really hoping it is how I am going to react to the medication. Another thing about Concerta is that it is not a medication that has to build up in your body over time to be effective. It is effective right off the bat. My hope is that by continuing to focus on my health (mind, body, and soul) as well as taking this medication, I can keep the worst parts of the ADHD in check and be successful in my role at work. I will update you again in a few days to see if the effects of the medication were real, or if it was all in my head (along with hundreds of thoughts and songs 😆).
-Rachel