You have another completely different type of cancer.
Ok, so at this point it is getting kind of ridiculous. I can’t make this stuff up.
Invasive ductal carcinoma.
Because it wasn’t enough to have cancer in one breast. For some reason I need to have it in both, and not only have it in both, but have different cancers in each one. Surely it can’t get any crazier than this, right?
The way I found out what it was kind of sucked too. The doctor called me on my cell while I was at work. I had the time to step away, so I went ahead and took the call in our breakroom. I answered the phone and the doctor kind of just took off! She was sort of muffled, so I was only catching like every other word, so what I heard was something like this; ” As you know… biopsy results… invasive… carcinoma… treatment…” I said, “Whoa, hold on, I know nothing about the results of the biopsy and you are pretty muffled. Can you please go back to the beginning?” She said, “Oh, I am so sorry. I didn’t realize… So the results from your biopsy came in, and what is in your left breast is invasive ductal carcinoma.” She went on to say that they are still waiting on the results as to whether this cancer is also hormone receptor positive.
I’m not sure if you remember, but the ductal carcinoma in situ that is in my right breast is both estrogen and progesterone receptor positive. Basically that means that the cancer feeds on those hormones, so to keep it from spreading someone could be put on hormone blockers. In essence that means that if it is hormone receptor positive for those hormones it’s a good thing. On the flip side, if the new cancer is either triple negative or only HER2 receptor positive, chemo becomes a very real possibility.
Dr. Johnson said that she is asking pathology to put a rush on the staging results so that we can get those answers to know where we go from here. She said that the mass is very small and my prognosis remains excellent with what she believes will be a 100% cure. And don’t get me wrong, I am very glad for that. BUT…this is my nightmare scenario. Chemotherapy scares me more than anything, mostly due to my touch of emetophobia (overwhelming, intense anxiety pertaining to vomiting).
This is another one of those results that I have had to sit with for a little while before I could post about it, especially since I still don’t have all of the answers we need yet. Yesterday I was just way to raw, like an open wound just bleeding out.
I have had conversations with some family and friends (who are pretty much family) , and they have all been so helpful with putting things into perspective.
Patrick, the love of my life, helped me to see that if I had not decided to move over to City of Hope (rather than going with the referral from my original doctor), I likely would have only had the one mastectomy and this cancer that was not detectable on mammogram would’ve just been left to grow and invade for potentially another year. So I am thankful that City of Hope is so very thorough in their process, even if it just feels like bad news snowballing.
Karyn, my sister and best friend, was enraged on my behalf which allowed me to release a lot of that anger to her so that I could think more clearly.
Megan, my big sis and protector, helped to pull some laughs out of me when I felt like I may never laugh again.
Crystal, my high school/forever best friend and women’s oncology nurse extraordinaire, was able to talk me down regarding just how bad chemotherapy looks when it is portrayed in movies. She has been an invaluable voice of reason for me throughout this journey.
Angela, my aunt and cheerleader, has been the voice of positivity that absolutely will not allow me to sink into despair on her watch, and I love her so dearly for it.
Daniel, my father and fellow cancer(free) companion, has been a great resource for me when I ask questions about what he went through when he had cancer. He also helped me to make the decision to move over to City of Hope by his glowing recommendations based on their care with him throughout his journey.
Raine, my mother and comforter, has been a great comfort to me when I call to give her the newest updates. She has remained strong in her faith that everything is going to turn out just fine which helps to smooth my rough edges when they pop up.
And there are certainly so many other wonderful people in my life who deserve to be on this list. People who have offered to help in any way they can, people who have added me to their churches’ prayer lists, and people who offer words of comfort and encouragement that keep me going. All of it is so much more appreciated than any of you could ever imagine. I would be lost without each and every one of you.
I don’t know what this result is going to be, but I am 100% positive that come what may, I can handle it and overcome it with you all by my side.
-Rachel